This week’s edition of links comes a bit early, since I expect to be cut off from civilization all weekend, doing the final edits on my manuscript. Read on for news on Apple, Batman, realistic lightsabers, the obligatory vampires, Steampunk Optimus Prime, and more!
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This week’s collection of links brings you a new Vampire Diaries trailer, the award for Sexiest Vampire, the science of zombie outbreaks, armored felines, the bike-sharing program that will lead to the One World Government, Batman, and more!

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This Week on the Web brings you vampires, annoying movie trends, hot girls with dry erase boards, a bevy of cute animals, career prospects for college grads, the Queerpocalypse, and more!

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30 Days of Night: Dark Days: (video) A direct-to-DVD sequel to that other vampire movie, which actually looks pretty good. (via io9)

Another Sucker Punch Image: The killer mech has a pink bunny rabbit painted on the face. This movie keeps getting more and more awesome. Oh, and it’s a toy, too.

Another Inception Infographic: Nifty, though I’mnot sure it’s right about where Cobb goes to limbo. Eh, whatevs. (via The Daily What)

Six Evil Corporations with Terrible Business Plans Seriously, how does Umbrella plan to make a profit?

Shift By Tim Kring: (video) I love the idea of book trailers. This novel, from the creator of Heroes, seems to tell a Manchurian Candidate style story about the assassination of JFK. (via io9)

Rambo fact Sheet: Including such vital information as “Number of Kills by Rambo with Shirt On” and “Number of Kills by Rambo with Shirt Off”. (via Matt Burdell)

Arnold is 63: And here are 63 facts about The Austrian Oak.

Metroid: Other M Gameplay Footage: (video) A new side-scrolling Metroid for the Wii? Yes please.

Video Game Demakes: A “demake” is when a game is remade for a previous-generation console. Nostalgia rears its ugly head once more. (And it’s awesome.)

Dancer v. Ice Cream Truck: “I’m so cool, I’m gonna dance in the street! Watch the cars swerve around me!” “Hey, look out for that…” (via Matt Burdell and Jon Nightingale) (local cache)

Aimbot!: (video) What life would be like if aimbots were real. (via The Daily What)

The Cracked Guide to Fonts: This article may contain the only legitimate use of Papyrus and Comic Sans.

An Illustrated Guide to Facial Hair: Turns out I’ve been wearing a Circle Beard, not a Goatee, for the last decade or so. Who knew?

What Everyone Knows: The James Randi Educational Foundation would like to point out an important fact: we’re probably wrong.

Automatic Image Deblurring: a Microsoft research team has developed a way to automatically correct the “shaky-cam” effect you often see on hand-held and camera phones. The first clear image of Bigfoot is certain to follow. (via Slashdot)

Vulcan Mind Melds are Sorta Possible: If you reeeeeeeealy love the other person. (via io9)

Court Overturns California Ban on Gay Marriage: I want to do the Happy Dance of Screw You, Bigots, but I’m honestly worried about what the Supreme Court will do when they get their hands on this.

Stephen Colbert on The Obama Diaries: Conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham wrote a book called The Obama Diaries, which purport to be written by Obama himself. Stephen Colbert pretty much calls her an idiot and a racist to her face, and I fall in love with yet another man. Sorry, Eric. (via Blag Hag)

The Modesty Survey: Did you know that showing a bra strap, even unintentionally, is a stumbling block to young Christian men? Well now you do. (via Pharyngula)

Nomskulls: Open skull, receive tasty, tasty brains. (via BoingBoing)

The Epic Tale of Missy the Missing Cat: “Hey, can you drop everything and help me with a personal problem?” “Why yes, yes I can.” Lesson: do not invoke the wrath of a creative type. (via Slashdot)

Inception Infographic, Another view of Inception’s levels: A handy guide to who dreamed what and why.

The Secret Behind the Music of Inception: (Video) You know how time slows down radically when you’re in a dream? Well…

Philips Carousel Commercial: (Video) A two-minute long, comlex, bullet-time-esque shoot. Very cool. (via Cleolinda Jones)

The Gay Reichs: (Video) I bet you didn’t know that Hitler was gay, did you? Or that the SS were gay, too? And hand-picked because of the naturally violent tendencies of gays? Well Reverend Scott Lively is here to educate you, with his new book The Pink Swastika. This clip is a Daily Show interview. Choice Quotes: “I’d rather be hanging out on a beach, but I got stuck with dealing with gay Nazis,” and “What you hate the most, you secretly are?” “…I’m not gay.” (via Pharyngula)

Sucker Punch by Zack Snyder: (Video) Hot girls + katanas + guns + samurai + dragons + giant battle mechs = my ass, in a seat, opening night.

Nick Cave to revise The Crow reboot: I’m cautiously optimistic about this, but the last time we said “let’s get a dark and gritty rock star to remake this classic goth film”, we got Rob Zombie’s Halloween II, which still makes me want to punch babies.

Chuck and Tina Spread TB: Episode One: These guys have a podcast about The Vampire Diaries, which I guested on a while back, and now they’ve turned their attention to True Blood. Give them a listen.

Boycott Bill Murray for a Better America: Bill Murray is worse than the homosexuals and liberal socialist philosophers, according to this article. At first. I honestly couldn’t tell if this was a joke. (via Richard Šchwab)

Teen dressed as the Joker burns down his high school: It was a great plan until he stood around waiting for the cops, then said “see that burning building over there? Yeah, that was me.”

An ant drinking from rain drop: (Video) This little bugger actually looks cute while it’s wrestling with its rain drop, and when it faceplants right onto it? Squee. (via BoingBoing)

BlindType: (Video) A keyboard for iPhone (boo) and eventually Android (yay!), this thing’s auto-correct is amazing. So amazing that, if it detects you’re holding it at a weird angle or typing a few letters off, it will adjust to you. It will even let you type with no on-screen keyboard at all. Awesome.

Mass. Legislature approves plan to bypass Electoral College: The Electoral College is a terrible idea. This is a good way to get rid of it.

Government of, by and for the Corporation: Roger Ebert’s blog on why immunity for BP is insane and wrong.

It’s more than genes, it’s networks and systems: A biologist explains why your understanding of evolution – even if you believe in it – is probably wrong. PZ Myers discusses: how environment can lead to something that appears to be mutation, but is not; how most mutations are neutral; how multiple genes/mutations go into creating a single expression; how evolution occurs at a population level, not an individual level; and how network theory comes into play.

The Fusion of the Chromosomes: (Video) Dr. Ken Miller shows one way in which evolution could have been falsified, and goes on to show how the evidence supports evolution. (via The Friendly Atheist)

Pictures of the Horcruxes and Hallows from the next Harry Potter: Can you believe that this whole thing started a decade ago?

If Movie Titles Were Honest: My favorite is the Harry Potter poster.

The Science of Inception: A quick info-dump on the science of dreaming.

Super Heroes vs Westboro Baptists: In case you don’t know, The Westboro Baptist Church, led by raving lunatic Fred Phelps, is the “Got Hates Fags” chanting, soldier’s funeral protesting, group of asshats that make the news every now and then. They’re protesting ComicCon this week, because “Batman and Superman are idols”, or some such crap. ComicCon attendees are protesting back, by, for instance, chanting “WHAT DO WE WANT?” “GAY SEX!” “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?” “NOW!” All while dressed up like Bender. Also: a trekkie with a sign that says “God hates Jedi”. I love these people. (via Tim Chestnutt)

The History of Hawkman: This is why this character’s backstory is radioactive. God.

New Iron Man Toys: I have to admit, I’m a total whore for the Silver Centurion armor.

Thor and Captain America Concept Art Posters: These are just beautiful. I just hope they make Thor as cool as he could be, a la 300. And I really wish they’d used the Ultimate Mjolnir. (local cache: Thor, Captain America)

First Photo of Ryan Reynolds as The Green Lantern: I want to be excited for this movie, but I just can’t seem to make myself care. Anyway, get back to me when the headline reads First Photo of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. That I will squee over.

Devil: From the “Mind” of M. Night Shyamalan: (Video) I bet the girl who gets bitten or whatever in the first few seconds is the devil, and the twist is that M. Night Shyamalan is still a terrible filmmaker.

Super Mario Takes to the Sidewalk: (Video) This is part of some kid’s Master’s thesis, focusing on matching live action to CGI. And it’s amazing. (via Topless Robot)

Mega Man’s Most Dangerous Foe: (Video) Goddamn spikes. (via Topless Robot)

Cardboard Warfare: (Video) You know what? There are way too many people in the world that are way better at special effects than I am. (via Gizmodo)

Carl Sagan: A Universe Not Made For Us: (Video) Favorite quote: “We are the custodians of life’s meaning… knowledge is preferable to ignorance. Better by far to embrace the hard truth, than a reassuring fable. If we crave some cosmic purpose, then let us find four ourselves a worthy goal.” (via Pharyngula)

Vatican makes attempted ordination of women a grave crime: The Vatican this week instituted a rule making the “attempted ordination” of women as grave a crime as the sexual abuse of minors. Which means I guess people who attempt to ordain women won’t be punished, either.

Dinobot Combiner: The fact there there is no Dinobot gestalt is Transformers cannon is a crime against humanity. (local cache)

The Web Book: A pretty comprehensive guide to setting up your own web site, from registering a domain name, finding a host, coding HTML, CSS, Wordpress, MySQl, and PHP. Chances are, if you want to do something with your best site, this book addresses it. And the best part: it’s a free download.

App Inventor for Android: From Google Labs, programming for the rest of us. App Inventor is a tool that makes is remarkably simple to build a user interface and wire up the logic to an Android app. If you have an HTC Hero, or a Droid, or any of the other Google phones out there, you might be interested in this.

Cruz Reader from Velocity Micro : (Video) An neat Android-based tablet. I wish it was hooked up to Barnes & Noble instead of Broder’s, and the touchscreen seems to be a bit sluggish, but I’m really pulling for an Android tablet to make it big. Gizmodo has more.

Nook arrives on Android: My favorite e-reader for my favorite phone. Love. Of course, I’d love it more if the app was actually in the market already. (via Gizmodo)

Ian’s Shoelace Site: What happens when you take a computer programmer, add in a dash of OCD, and mix in an interest in knots? The most comprehensive site on tying your shoelaces in the world. I’m not even making fun of this, it’s incredible. I’m going to be using the Halloween Knot come October, and the Ian Knot may become the way I tie my shoes all the time.

How a Sewing Machine Works: Prepare to be hypnotized. (via Roger Ebert)

Urban Dictionary: Palin: 57 definitions and counting.

This Week on the Web brings black holes, rainbow Jesus, Twilight, ancient Greek death rays, Batman vs. Darth Vader, Sylvester Stallone’s veins, and more!

Where Do Universes Come From?: A quick, layperson accessible article about a hypothesis attempting to explain universal expansion and where our universe came from. Nifty.

The Earth is Much Younger than Previously Thought: scientists believed that the Earth was 4.567 billion years old; the new estimate places it at closer to 4.467 billion years. Sorry, six day creationists.

Accept Jesus, Forever Forgiven: Via The Girlfriend. Speaking of six day creationists… well, I’m pretty sure that this guy is one. Also: please don’t click that link. And if you do, click it in Internet Explorer. Because Firefox users can go to hell, and there’s no such thing as an atheist Chrome user. This takedown almost makes the site worth reading. Almost. Oh, and there’s also an index and a home and a main page. Just because.

Desire To Ejaculate Motivates Local Christian To Wed: God bless The Onion. I mean…

What Does Drowning Really Look Like?: I was never taught this as a lifeguard. Scary.

Six Reasons to Ride a Polar Bear to Work: Via Matt Burdell. The Oatmeal may just be the best comic going right now. Go read it. All of it. Now.

Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes: A screenplay-style recap of the latest sparklepire epic, with a dash of Icelandic ballad mixed in. Cleolinda is hilarious, as always.

27 Reasons That Eclipse the Movie Is Better Than Eclipse the Book: Via The Girlfriend. You know what? I’m sick of these idiotic slideshows, and the asshat web developers that code them. If I wanted a link to pop up in a new window, I’d middle-click it, thanks much. Oh, and there’s Twilight stuff here. Favorite quote: “Oh shit, now there’s an Oscar nominee in our cast.”

The Editing Room: Via The Girlfriend. If you like screenplay-style recaps, you’ll enjoy these. And this guy apparatnly knows what a screenplay actually looks like, a claim which I cannot make. The Clash of the Titans recap is hilarious even before you read it…

Falcon Kick: Via John Nightingale. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen a flying side kick work. Also: Cleats. Ouch. This is a (CPU murdering) animated GIF, so I didn’t embed it, but I do have a local copy.

Archimedes’s Flaming Steam Cannon: This is why history is cool, people. Because you get to read about a guy in a toga using giant brass mirror lasers to power steam cannons that shoot flaming death from the skies.

Sylvester Stallone is 64 Years Old: Via Unreality. Oh. My. God. This is why he’s still making action movies, folks.

The Ancient Hebrew Concept of the Cosmos: Via Michæl Paukner, via io9. This is just plain cool, and very well done. I have to admit, I find the idea that the world is basically a giant snow globe kind of appealing.

Magnetic Silly Putty: (Video) Via Topless Robot. Ever what happens when you take a magnetic semi-liquid and throw a magnet at it?

More Magnetic Silly Putty: Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4.

Will It Blend: Glowsticks: (Video) This is just plain awesome. World Cup fans may also enjoy: Will It Blend: Vuvuzela.

I Kissed a Nerd: (Video) Again via Topless Robot. It’s by the Damsels of Dorkington. How can you not love the Damsels of Dorkington?

Star Wars Re-edit: (Video) A Topless Robot trifecta. Did Luke really blow up the Death Star?

Batman vs. the Death Star: (Video) Because Michael Keaton is awesome.

Max Gets a Batman Costume: (Video) “What do you want for dinner?” “Justice!”

Oh, and there’s a sequel that’s also worth checking out.

Batman Interrogates the Joker: (Video) “Whrgahizhe!” “Okay, I don’t know if that was a question, or a declarative statement.”

If Ghostbusters Were a Silent, Steampunk Film: (Video) Via The Girlfriend (Whose name is AJ and please stop beating me all right I told them your name ow). Whom shall you telegram?

“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust.” -Lawrence Krauss

So, this article and this video claim that a Belgian man, who has been thought to be in a coma for the past two decades, has actually been awake the entire time, essentially living out the nightmare depicted in Metallica’s video One.

This is absolutely terrible, and horrifying. Fortunately, it’s a complete lie, as well.

Rom Houben, the man in question, is supposedly able to communicate through the miracle of “facilitated communication,” where an aide holds Houben’s hand and “helps” him type his messages.

Hopefully, you can already see why this is nonsense. They’re basically using this poor man’s body as a Ouija board; he is no more responsible for the messages being attributed to him than a planchet is responsible for telling a group of nervous teenage girls who’s going to ask them to Prom. Furthermore, FC has been tested in laboratory settings, and found to be, well, lacking.

But maybe Houben is awake, and maybe there is something to this story. Fortunately, there are several easy ways to tell.

1. Houben spoke both English and Flemish; in the current setup, he is asked questions in English, and he supposedly answers by typing our Flemish words. If you use an FC aide that doesn’t speak either language, he should still be able to communicate, right?

Or, maybe this particular Flemish-speaking aide is so talented that she has to be the one “helping” Houben communicate. That’s fine, we still have ways of testing him:

2. Ask Houben a question while the aide is out of the room, and then have him type the answer with her assistance.

3. Or use headphones, so that the aide cannot hear the question.

4. Or ask him a question about something only he can see. Have the aide look away, then ask “what color is this card,” for example.

Et cetera. But I doubt that any of these things will be done. The story of a man trapped inside his own paralyzed body is much more thrilling than the story of a doctor and an aide perpetrating a fraud on an emotionally wrecked family.

More on this story: James Randi, Orac, Steven Novella, Wikipedia on Facilitated Communication

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge…” -Charles Darwin