Somewhere around our third set, Michelle said something about hating pushups.

This is what they call a “teaching moment,” one of those happy times when circumstances naturally lend themselves to communicating a hard-won life lesson. These moments, I believe, are the ones that really engrain truth in a person, far better than any kind of classroom or reading.

“The exercises you hate the most,” I said, “are the ones you need to work the hardest, because they show you where you’re weak.”

People naturally tend to gravitate toward their strengths. Last night, Jordan said he liked playing touch football, because it’s more about speed and skill than raw strength. It shouldn’t surprise you to learn that he is light, fast, and agile. I hold the exact opposite opinion; I like tackle football, because while I am not particularly fast, nor particularly skilled, I hit like a truck and it generally takes three men to take me down.

This is true across disciplines. Gregarious people tend to find jobs where they get to interact with others, while the more cerebral types tend to thrive in more solitary positions, some people need rigid structure, while others find it stifling, and so on.

But in the gym, this mentality will hold you back, and can ultimately cause imbalance and injury. Mark told us once that he had a sore back because his abdominals were so much stronger than his posterior chain. Tons of people have shoulder pain because they spend all their gym time doing bench press and curls, and never do chins or rows. And don’t get me started on the people who are built like Adonis above the waist, but look like they’re standing on a chicken.

This week, I added two new exercises to my routine. The first is the Side Plank, where you lay on one side, prop yourself up on one hand, and tighten your obliques in order to keep your body straight. The second is an overhead lunge, where you press a bar overhead, lock out, and do a set of regular lunges with the weight in that position.

Both of these are phenomenal core exercises, and both of them are deceptively difficult. Especially in the midst of a MetCon workout, when you’re also doing chins, pushups, and dumbbell swings.

I actually had to stop for a minute after the third set of lunges, because they had taken so much out of me. Michelle finally asked if I was ready to go.

“No,” I said. “Those things suck.”

“The exercises you hate the most,” she said, “are the ones you need to work the hardest.”

Stupid girls.

Monday

Chins: 5
Dips: 20
Snatch: 5 @ 115 lbs.
Plyo Jump: 20
Pike: 20
5 circuits, 33 minutes

Tuesday

Military Press: 135×5, 145×5, 145×5, 155×5, 155×5
Seated Row: #14×4, 15×5, 16×5, 17×5, 18×5
Deadlift: 335, 15 singles
Lat. Raise: 10 sets of 10 @ 15 lbs.

Wednesday

Chins: 5
Pushups: 20
Swings: 20 @ 45 lbs.
Overhead Lunge: 5 per leg @ 45 lbs.
Side Plank: 30 seconds per side
5 circuits, 25ish minutes

I put the planks after the lunges because I wanted a rest between circuits. Also, because I am an idiot.

Thursday

Basketball, 1 hour
Ultimate Frisbee, umm… 2 hours?

Don’t underestimate how hard sports like this can work you, especially if you’re moving up and down the court on every play. All of those short sprints end up having the same effect as interval training.

Friday

Bench: 185×5, 195×5, 205×5, 215×5, 225×5
Wide Grip Chins: 10 assistance: 5 sets of 10
Overhead Lunge: 5 sets of 5 per leg, @ 45 lbs.
Lateral Raise: 5 sets of 5 @ 30 lbs.

I don’t, as a rule, rattle easily.

That wasn’t always the case. I used to have some pretty unusual habits and phobias, all of which were kind of justified, given the life I’ve lived. For example, there was a time when I couldn’t sleep with my back to the door; I had to be facing it, or I couldn’t relax. I also had a hard time facing away from the center of a room when I sat down. I really liked to be able to see what was going on around me.

I’ve mellowed out a lot since then. I still jump at loud noises and sudden movements, but that’s almost a biological reaction; my body really doesn’t ask permission before it does something like that. For the most part, though, I’m relatively easy-going. I can walk around at night, or in empty buildings, or down dark hallways, things that bother a lot of people, with no problem.

I had some work to catch up on tonight, so when my Ultimate Frisbee game was done - which was insanely fun, by the way - I showered up and headed back to the office. I figured that if I got enough done tonight, I could take tomorrow off. I was pretty successful in that effort, and around 12:30 am I started packing up to go home.

And then I heard something crash.

Something that sounded a lot like a door being ripped open and slammed against the wall.

A lot like the door ten feet from my office being ripped open and slammed against the wall.

And I freaked out.

Not that you would have known from looking at me; one of the benefits of a stoic nature is having a great poker face. But inside, it was fight-or-flight time. I went very still, listened carefully for anything moving my way, let my eyes lose focus so that I could pick up anything moving in my peripheral vision.

My office is not particularly easy to get into, which means anyone there probably works there, which should have been comforting, but it wasn’t. I should have been alone, and I wasn’t, and that scared me.

I don’t carry a knife anymore - I “donated” it to a cop in Boston, which is a story for another time; specifically, when the statute of limitations is up - and for the first time in a long time, I felt naked without it.

Visions of hockey-mask wearing, chainsaw wielding maniacs ran through my head. For some reason, I found myself thinking about one of the verses from Michel Jackson’s Thriller:

You hear the door slam
And realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand
And wonder if you’ll ever see the sun

Thanks, brain, that’s helpful.

I moved through the building, which is hard to do when you don’t want to turn any lights on, and satisfied myself that I was alone. But that uneasy feeling stuck with me, a paranoia sitting just underneath my thoughts, that feeling that there’s someone, something behind you.

That feeling stayed with me out into the parking lot, even though there’s nothing to hide behind, and you’d have to be a certified ninja to sneak up on me out there. It stayed with me as I got into my car, checking the back seat as I slid in. It stayed with me all the way home, as I watched my rear-view mirror for… what? I don’t really know. It stayed with me as I closed up my garage, as I walked to my door, as I let myself into my home. It’s still with me now, just a little bit, a subtle tension underlying my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized it, but I just noticed that as I’m typing this, I’m sitting half-turned toward the room behind me.

I still don’t know what caused the noise I heard. My best guess is that it was the heating system, which had kicked on at some point during the night, or perhaps a stack of books falling over in one of the offices down the hall. I’ll probably never know.

Sweet dreams.

I took my bike back out on the road today. I did a test-run to my office, just to see if I could make the ride every morning to work and still be fit for, well, work. It was a good ride, smooth for the most part, with only one big hill.

My bike isn’t anything special, just a cheap, black (shock) 7-speed, but it got me where I was going. It’s a little small for me, but then again, so is everything, and the handlebars are a little funny, but at least they stayed attached this time. I’m still not sure why riding hits my vastus medialis more than the rest of my quads, but whatever.

On the way back home, I opened up a little, just to see how it felt.

And then the pedal fell off.

Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up.

the first half of last week was a wash - I was distracted by a cute girl from Albany - and last Wednesday’s session got canceled due to an impromptu leader’s meeting at the church. I ended up doing double sessions on Friday just to make it up.

Thursday

Pushups: 10
Chins: 5
Swings: 10 @ 50 lbs.
Pikes: 10

10 circuits

Friday AM

Dips: 10
Chins: 5
Snatch: 5 @ 105 lbs
Crunches: 10

10 circuits

Friday PM

Dips: 10
Chins: 5
Clean and Jerk: 5 @ 135 lbs
Crunches: 10

I was more on track this week, hitting the gym four times. I skipped Wednesday night because the basketball league at work has started back up, but the games don’t really take that much out of me, so I think I’ll just treat them as double sessions.

Monday

Dips: 20
Chins: 5
Lunges: 10 per leg
Snatch: 5 @ 105 lbs.
Crunches: 20

7 circuits

Tuesday

I did a session of German Volume Training. Basically, this means you pick one exercise for each movement patters, and do 10 sets of 10 reps.

This sucks. Hard. And it’s humbling; I was benching all of 95 pounds by the time I got done. Charles Poliquin, who popularized this method, also recommends using a four-second concentric, which I am convinced is impossible.

German Body Comp, which is GVT’s kid brother, recommends sets of 6, 12, and 25 reps, again with a four-second concentric. I might play around with this some next week.

Bench: 135 lbs. x 10, 10, 10, 10, 10 95 lbs. x 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Seated Row: #10 lbs. x 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Lat. Raise: 15 lbs. x 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Leg Curl: 70 lbs. x 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Dec. Crunch: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Hyper: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

Wednesday

Basketball

Thursday

Dips: 20
Chins: 5
Lunges: 10 per leg
Snatch: 5 @ 115 lbs.
Pike: 20

5 circuits, 25 minutes

Friday

Chins: 5
Pushups: 20
Plyo Jumps: 20
Crunch: 20
Swing: 20 @ 45 lbs.

6 circuits, 28 minutes

I also mowed my lawn, which some people count as exercise. We call these people “wishful thinkers.”

Saturday

I was going to go running, but my knees said “no,” as did everyone I asked to go with me, so instead battled the Bike of Doom for 6 or 7 miles.

I don’t sleep much, or well, and some people have asked what I do with all of that extra time. Here’s an example of the kinds of things I think about when I’m staring at my ceiling at night:

Free will is one of the more intricate debates in Christian theological circles. Basically, the two extremes are Calvinism, which teaches predestination, and Arminianism, which teaches free will. Most people, at least most people who bother to think about it, fall somewhere in the middle.

I’m leaning more towards Calvinism these days, for several reasons. The first theological argument against free will is God’s omniscience. If God knows that you are going to chose to commit adultery, or if God knows that you’re going to sneak an extra cookie after dinner, or even if God knows that you’re going to give a thousand dollars to feed the poor, do you really have a choice in the matter? If you could chose to do one thing or the other, does God really know, or is it just a good guess? And if He does know, is it really a choice, or does it just look like a choice from our limited perspective.

The second theological argument against free will is Paul’s talk of predestination:

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Romans 8:29-30 (NIV)

This is presented as an inevitable progression, from foreknowledge to choosing to calling to salvation, with no choice on our part.

The final theological argument I’ll present is Paul’s talk of slavery:

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness.
…
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

Romans 6:21,22 (NIV)

When we were slaves to sin, we by necessity did the things sin lead us to, and when we become saints, or slaves of God, we do, again by necessity, the things righteousness leads us to. It is our nature that commands our actions.

One of the things that I have learned counseling and ministering to people is that no one really wants to be bad. No one chooses to be broken. Again and again, I see people that are hurtful, spiteful, even evil, but I also hear the stories of the things that made them this way.

When I see a man walk out on his family, it fills me with righteous anger. But when I know that his father walked out on him, that he never had a positive male role model to emulate, that he never knew what a healthy family looked like, that anger is blunted. When I see an alcoholic, it’s easy for me to judge and condemn, but when I learn about their alcoholic parents, when I learn about the abuse and the hopelessness, that judgment is a little less sure.

That is, I think, a big part of why Jesus commands us to forgive others: we aren’t really any better than they are, we’re just luckier. There but for the grace of God go I.

As an aside, I can also argue convincingly against all of these arguments, so while I tend to agree with them, that agreement isn’t one-hundred percent. Let me know if you’re interested.

But that isn’t what keeps me up; that was just the introduction. The real question, the one that will give you a headache, is “does God have free will?”

Stow your charges of heresy for a moment. I believe that God is sovereign, that he has the perfect and irresistible power to enact His will; what I’m asking is if that will is really free… could God chose to do something other than what He does?

Paul writes that God cannot deny Himself, in 2 Timothy 2:13. Essentially, God cannot act contrary to His own nature. We also know that God is perfect, from 2 Samuel 22:31, for example, and that He is omniscient, for instance, from 1 John 3:20.

Because of these facts, everything God does is by definition perfect. He cannot choose to do wrong, nor can He be tricked into doing wrong.

Everything God does is, by necessity, the best thing that He could have done. So my question is, could a perfect God chose to do something other than what is perfect? Does He really have free will?

Sleep tight…

I’m questioning my faith.

Now, before you get too worried - or too excited, for that matter - I should tell you that I’m pretty much always questioning my faith. My operating principle is that “I might be wrong,” and I am always willing to examine new evidence or new interpretations. I usually find that this “new” evidence is the same old stuff repeated all over again, but I’m at least willing to give it consideration. That’s the only way to learn and grow.

I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, crucified for our sins and resurrected on the third day; that isn’t at issue for me, so you don’t need to call Pastor Mark. What I’m questioning is what that means.

The fist question I have is the balance between distinction and relevance. When I first became a Christian, I was very distinct; I didn’t swear, didn’t listen to secular music, didn’t watch R-rated movies, and didn’t drink alcohol, among other things. Pretty much everyone around me knew where I stood on things, even when I wasn’t trying to make an issue of it.

Lately, though, I’ve been a lot more… casual about things. I’ve been known to let crass words fly, pop Metallica in the CD player, relish in cinematic mayhem, and enjoy the occasional glass of pinot noir. And I can make a very good case for pretty much all of this, from Scripture. Even aside from the “all things to all men” line, most people fail to understand just how vulgar some passages of Scripture are, and anyone that claims consumption of alcohol is immoral has serious theological issues.

The question, though, is where does “relevance” become mere;y an excuse to do what I want to do, and live like I want to live. I don’t want to be so uptight that no one wants to live like me, but at the same time, I’m worried that I might be living so casually that no one would bother to live like me, that my faith might be something that I add on to my life, and not something that defines my life.

On the other hand, if the only things that make me distinct are things the Bible doesn’t consider particularly important, what good is it to influence people to follow after me? If all my life counts for is fewer people swearing and lower grosses for action movies, it really wasn’t worth the effort. What we do with Christ is far more important than the cultural affectations of our Christianity.

Which leads to the second thing I’m questioning these days: what, exactly, is faith supposed to look like?

I recently read two books, which paint very different pictures of Christianity. Jesus for President agues quite convincingly that the Church has been invaded by the world, and not the other way around, and makes a case for a strategic retreat. The authors ask how a faith that teaches equality, sacrifice, and love for our enemies can be so wrapped up in an exploitative economy and a culture of war. Our quest for political power, they say, has forced us to compromise our core message, and largely turned the Church into a servant of a political party.

The answer, they believe, is to withdraw, to have as little to do with the economy, with politics, and with the culture as possible. They believe that a simple lifestyle, essentially a neo-monastic lifestyle, is the only way the Church can protect itself. It would be nice if the Church could engage culture and come away clean, but experience teaches that we cannot, and it is time to admit that.

On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, The Barbarian Way evokes images of the Old Testament warriors, of those pushed to the edges of society until their prowess for battle was needed, and claims that we need to grab life by the throat and wring from it everything it has to offer. Our faith, the author claims, is too safe, our God too small. We need to dream big again, to charge into destiny with no concern for ourselves, to live the adventure God has planned for us. The Church, he claims, needs to storm that gates of hell, not hide behind the walls of our sanctuaries.

Both are very convincing, but they are completely incompatible. One voice tells me to withdraw, the other to attack. One tells me to emulate the Slaughtered Lamb, the other to follow the Lion Rampant.

My life message, such as it is, is “balance.” The truth most often lies in the tension between two extremes, and I spend a lot of my time trying to get people to see the other side of the argument, to consider new perspectives. That same principle applies here: the church was called to be in, not of, the world, and Jesus is both Lion and Lamb. It’s just taking some work to find where that balance lies.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
James 5:16 (ESV)

Secrets. Everybody has them, but no one really wants them. No one wants to hide what they really are. No one wants to have skeletons in their closet. But how many of us can really say that we are completely honest, completely comfortable with having people know who and what we are?

Because the secrets we keep are generally our shortcomings, our failures. Few people hide their successes or their triumphs; the humble may not brag about them, but if they happen to come out, even they aren’t generally that broken up about it. But when people learn about our inadequacies and sins, it’s another story altogether.

Secrets breed shame and guilt, the sense that no one else struggles in the way we struggle, and that everyone would reject us if they really knew what we are like when no one else is watching. And that’s why confession, confidence, is so powerful. When you realize that you won’t be rejected because of your shortcomings, and when you realize that your failures are no different than those of the people around you, it becomes that much easier to overcome those things.

But this confession isn’t meant to be one-sided. James wrote that we should confess to one another, mutually.

I’ve been looking over some of the statistics for my blog, and some of the things I’ve learned have surprised me. There are a lot of people following my training plans, and a number of people have downloaded the printable worksheets I’ve thrown together, but my main traffic has been to the more confessional posts I write. The Changes that Heal posts have been very popular, but the most popular piece I’ve written has been The Care and Feeding of a Taciturn Man. I wrote this piece years ago, but I’m still getting comments and emails about it to this day. I’ve gotten more feedback on this one post than almost everything else I’ve written combined, and the vast majority of that feedback has been along the lines of “thank you, I thought I was the only one.”

One individual actually found my website after Googling “I don’t let anyone get close to me.” This person was obviously unhappy with the life they were living, and searching for answers as to why they are the way they are. It is my hope and prayer that the things that I’ve written can offer him a glimpse into himself, assure him that he isn’t alone in his struggles, and give him some hope that things can get better.

I’ve found that other people are only willing to open up to me after I have taken the first step and made myself vulnerable. When they see that I am admittedly imperfect, they have a greater confidence that I won’t condemn them for their own problems. Many of the deeper conversations I’ve had started when I mentioned, even casually, something I was wrestling with.

Those of us in leadership positions can become very protective of our reputation, and we can often fear that if people knew about our struggles and failures, it would hamper our ability to lead, but I’m coming to realize that the opposite is really true. When we are honest about our struggles, it helps other open up about their own, and gives them some assurance that they are neither uniquely broken nor especially sinful. Even the Apostle Paul, who suggested that others follow his example (1 Cor. 11:1), wrote extensively about his own failures, calling himself a “slave to sin” (Rom. 7:14), and the “chief of all sinners” (1 Tim. 1:16). His ministry was marked by an ever-increasing awareness of his own shortcomings, and his confession thereof. He did not condone sin, nor did he consider the fight against the flesh a hopeless struggle, but he was also very real about how far he yet had to go.

We could, indeed, learn from his example.

In the run up to Iron Man, some of the more science-minded members of the media have commented that we do not currently have the technology to power the suit Tony Stark created; drilling a hole through a piece of steel with one of his palm-lasers, for instance, would take more power than a full-sized nuclear reactor could produce, and the power necessary to keep a man-sized suite of armor airborne would be prohibitive, given space considerations.

I am happy to report that this is satisfactorily addressed in the movie: Iron Man’s exosuit is powered by distilled awesome.

Tony Stark: gets rich making weapons for the military.
Tony Stark: drinks gin, drives sports cars, and sleeps with super models. Often at the same time.
Tony Stark: gets captured by evil men of indistinct ethnicity.
Tony Stark: builds a suit of armor, decimates bad guys.
Tony Stark: has a crisis of conscience.
Tony Stark: builds even better armor, decimates even more bad guys.
Tony Stark: wins.

I hate the media.

For instance, take this clip:

Any time someone shows you less than ten seconds of someone’s response, there is a very good change that they are trying to take something out of context.

In the above clip, it sounds like Susan Rice, Obama’s foreign policy adviser, is admitting that Obama is unqualified to be commander in chief. But when you actually listen to her response, not just the introduction to her response, things change (the meat is about three minutes in):

She wasn’t saying that Obama wasn’t ready to be commander in chief, she was saying that none of the candidates, Obama, Clinton, nor McCain, have ever been in a situation where they had to answer a 3am Red Phone call. This is simple fact. She then goes on to say that Obama is the only one, based on the evidence provided by the Iraq war, that has demonstrated that he will make the right choices when that call comes. That is also simple fact; Clinton still stands by her vote to invade Iraq, and McCain actually wants to invade Iran.

For the last little while, I’ve been looking for ways to get just a little bit more physical activity into my life. Nothing strenuous, just some light moving about. I had taken up early morning walks, but with my schedule as pressed as it is, and with my sleeping patterns, it was just too hard to get up an hour earlier, just to walk around the neighborhood. I walked to work a couple of times, which was nice, but it took me almost an hour to cover the three miles to my office, which is still too much time. And since my knees and a bitter mass of pain and fail, running really isn’t an option, at least not long-term.

Adding all of this up, I decided to go looking for a bicycle, which I will probably end up riding to work in the morning. I hit up one of the local shops, just to start pricing things, and nearly had a heart attack. The “entry” model that the shop owner showed me was seven hundred dollars. I thanked him, and headed to WalMart.

One hundred dollars later, I was ready to test out my new wheels. They say that you never forget how to ride a bike, but I hadn’t been on one in nearly a decade, so it was with some trepidation that I set out upon the road. I am happy to report that you really don’t forget how to ride a bike; I was peddling with the best of them, moving right along, and when I came to a small hill, I stood up and started peddling like it was second nature.

Then the handle bars fell off.

It is a testament both to my Ninja-like reflexes and the grace of God that I am here to write this.

Whatever WalMart employee put this thing together is apparently paid minimum wage. He is over-paid.

Friday night was also interesting. It was a slow night, and we got started late, and I wasn’t feeling like pushing too hard in general, so we took it easy, focusing on good form over raw speed.

In the middle of our circuit, a random girl comes over and asks if she can ask a question. I say “sure,” and she says some of her friends thought that I was a personal trainer. I am not - the only people I train are friends - and I said as much. She said “oh, ok,” looked at me for a few moments, and went away.

As I was finishing up my next set of dips, I had an epiphany. I’m a real jerk. Now, I knew that already, but what struck me is that I’m a jerk even when I don’t mean to be. When I was talking to that girl, I never even really faced her; I just kind of talked over my shoulder to her. And while I would have been happy to answer whatever questions she had, I never really said that. I did nothing to keep the conversation, such as it was, going. She probably went away thinking that her very existence had somehow offended me.

Brandon suggested I go over and try to make amends, and despite my inner urgings urging me to just go away, I went over to talk to her and her entourage. All in all, it was a good moment; I showed them how to use one of the machines, told them why what they were doing was going to get them hurt, and taught them a new exercise. Much appreciation all around.

Walking back over to my team, Michelle beamed something along the lines of “that was so good!” Then, she added “next time, try tossing a smile in there.” I muttered under my breath, and went back to my dips.

Stupid girls.

Monday - MetCon

Dips: Bodyweight: 20 reps
Chins: Bodyweight: 5 reps
DB Swings: 65 lbs: 20 reps
Crunches: Bodyweight: 20 reps

5 circuits, 15:30

Tuesday - Strength

Bench: 205 lbs for 5, 215 lbs for 5, 225 lbs for 5, 235 lbs for 5, 245 lbs for 3
Seated Row: 14 for 5, 16 for 5, 18 for 5, 20 for 5, 21 for 5 (I wish these were in real pounds)
Leg Press: Unilateral: 250 lbs for 10, 300 lbs for 10, 400lbs for 10, 460 lbs for 10, 460 lbs for 10

Wednesday - MetCon

Pushups: Bodyweight: 20 reps
Chins: Bodyweight: 5 reps
Snatch: 105 lbs: 5 reps
Pikes: Bodyweight: 20 reps

5 circuits, 15:40

Thursday - Strength

Deadlift: 315 lbs for 5, 315 lbs for 5, 335 lbs for 5, 335 lbs for 5, 365 lbs for 5
Military Press: 95 lbs for 5, 95 lbs for 5, 115 lbs for 5, 115 lbs for 5, 135 lbs for 5
Chins: Bodyweight, 5 sets of 5

I also played volleyball Thursday night. “Played” being a subjective term. in this case, it means “flailed wildly at a ball that never once landed in-court.”

Friday - Form Work

Dips: Bodyweight: 10 reps
Chins: Bodyweight: 5 reps
DB Swings: 30 lbs: 10 reps
Situps: Bodyweight: 10 reps

6 circuits, time irrelevant

If you’ve been following my Changes that Heal series, you know that I have trouble committing to relationships. I have a deep-seated belief that relationships are universally temporary, and generally more trouble than they are worth. One of the reasons I’m not in a relationship is that I’m wary about making that kind of commitment to a girl. I’m not out to play the field, as it were, but I’ve been alone so long that I’ve come to resist relationship. It creates a positive-feedback loop.¹

I understand that these views are wrong, but getting past the emotions involved is difficult. I’m perfectly functional, meaning I’m well behaved and in general a fairly decent actor, but not particularly healthy. As an aside, when Jesus spoke of “hypocrites,” he used a word that translates “one who wears a mask,” and referred to a stage actor, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, while I’m still struggling with the whole “healthy, committed relationships” thing, I also recognize that it is necessary. I’m a work in progress. But I’m also taller than you, so there.

Family The Scriptures say that God will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents.² In America, fully half of all marriages end in divorce, and it isn’t at all uncommon to find children who hate one, if not both, of their parents. We talk a lot about family values, but we haven’t done very well at living them.

I think God wants us to do better. I think God wants us to honor the families He has placed us in, to care for and love the people with whom we share blood. I think He wants us to commit to each other once again.

The Bible says that a man who doesn’t care for his family is worse than an unbeliever.³

Friends “By this,” Jesus said, “will the world know that you are mine: that you love one another.”⁴ Our relationships, the commitments we make to the people we love, are the best evidence that Jesus has done something in our lives. It’s also the best evidence that the something Jesus does is worth doing.

The World It isn’t enough to love our friends, though; even the pagans do that.⁵ We also need to be ready to show the love of God to the world around us - a world that probably isn’t going to return the favor. We need to offer the world the forgiveness we have received,⁶ and give them a reason to glorify God. We also need to be agents of social change, caring for the poor, the destitute, and the rejected.⁷

Finally, we need to make room for the people of the world to become the people of God. We’ve looked at how the Church is meant to be our family, our friends, the place where we live our our faith. If we want people to come into relationship with God, we need to make room for them to also come into relationship with us. “Us four and no more” is no way to preach the Gospel.

---

1. Some people have asked about the way I use the terms “positive” and “negative feedback loop.” It’s important to know that, in this case, “positive feedback” refers to a condition that reinforces itself, and not a situation that is necessarily good.

For example, when you start exercising, you find yourself with more energy, better health, and a more positive outlook on things, and this causes you to continue excising. Exercising makes you want to exercise more. This is positive feedback.

On the other hand, when someone takes drugs, they become dependent upon their effects, but also more tolerant of them, causing them to take more and more. Even though this is a harmful condition, it is also positive feedback. Taking drugs makes you take more drugs. The condition reinforces itself.

Negative feedback is a condition that regulates itself. For example, when you need food, you get hungry, which leads you to eat. But as you eat, you become full, and this leads you to stop eating. This is a good thing, and it is also negative feedback. Eating eventually leads you to stop eating. back

2. Malachi 4:6, Luke 1:17 back
3. 1 Timothy 5:8 back
4. John 13:35 back
5. Matthew 5:46-47 back
6. Matthew 18:21-35back
7. Matthew 5:16back
8. Galatians 2:10back